The Inspiration of Fear and Frustration

I am avoiding writing again today. But today, the reason for it feels different. It's because I want to be seen!

I am feeling frustration at writing this blog anonymously!

This is an almost unbelievable shift for me. The desire to be visible has not reared its head often in many years and yet here it is, and it's strong. Stronger than the fear of being seen.

And actually, I find myself welcoming this frustration because what an amazing realisation it has brought me - that I wish to be seen more than I wish to hide in fear and shame. A more precious gift I cannot think of!

I have been finding it so fabulous in the last few days that I have been feeling joyful about my anger or fear for the simple fact that I am recognising them as the teachers they are and when they bring such beautiful lessons, how can I not feel joyful about the experience?!

I always find it fascinating to notice that you don't get something till you get it. That is, you can understand a concept perfectly well intellectually, but until it really sinks in, the knowledge in itself does little to alter your actual perception or behaviour. Then suddenly you get a little 'Eureka' moment and it's as if the lights have been switched on and... Ohhhhhhh - THAT's what everyone meant!

Lately I've been feeling as if I'm in a growth spurt with these little lights being turned on all the time about so many things, ideas, patterns and facets of my behaviour. I gain clarity about myself and my life on an almost daily basis and it is utterly inspiring. To have spent so much of your living in fear, to have the experience of your other desires outweighing it is totally, well, awesome. I literally feel in awe of it. And afraid it will go away! Afraid that I'm not 'up to the task' and will sink back into fear and invisibility.

The thing is, I probably will. But I get now that I move in cycles and spirals and waves: that nothing is constant and yet everything comes back to us - the good as well as the bad. So if I sink into fear again, I have only to move through it because on the other side will be something else. And, in my experience, the something else is wonderful.

Love to you,

Lyra ♥