The Cleanness of Empowered, Heartful Anger

I belong to a trauma support group on Facebook and have noticed something rather interesting.

Most of the time when someone posts that they feel awful and are basically reaching out for support, two things happen. One is that they apologise for being negative/ needy/ petty. The other is that they ask how everyone else is and send them hugs.

I find this fascinating because it basically means that, certainly when we are traumatised, we feel unable to ask for help/ love/ reassurance without offering something in return and also apologising for having needs!

I know I have done this a lot in the past and still do. It makes me think of a quote I read recently that a gift is not really a gift unless you expect nothing in return. Well, often we are also unable to accept gifts without expecting ourselves to offer something in return. All of which I am sure stems from low self-esteem and a lack of feeling worthy or entitled.

I am personally feeling highly volatile at present - in the changeable, fluctuating, mercurial sense of the word. I have spent the last few days exploring anger in some depth and through it have found several things. A deeper sense of connection with myself. A strong sense of solidity - of being 'full up' with myself. The embodied knowledge that anger is highly energising and as long as I own it and use it constructively, is a powerful agent for change. That anger, creativity and sexuality have the same energetic source and all involve the combination of intimacy, vulnerability and passion. And that where, personally, I find fear to be something that disconnects me from others (and often from reality), anger reconnects me to others (and to reality) as long as I express it clearly, cleanly and with an engaged heart.

And learning all of that has taught me that it is not only wonderful to feel angry - joyful even! - it also helps me to assert my boundaries in a definite, healthy and loving way. The boundaries of what I do and do not want, will and will not accept, and the boundaries of my needs. And that that enables me to express my needs clearly and lovingly - without demand from another that they meet them and without demand from myself that I must offer something in return. And of course then I am vulnerable to rejection. But I have realised that I would rather be rejected (cleanly, clearly, honestly and heartfully) than live in the fear and uncertainty of not asking.

And that is a truly empowering thing to feel.

Love to you,

Lyra ♥