Survival

In terms of a recovery process, Survival is the second stage in my experience.

Survival is about realising two things. The first is a cause for celebration: it is the recognition that you have literally SURVIVED your dysfunctional upbringing and all of the terrible things which have happened in your life.

What an amazing accomplishment this is. Not everyone makes it, let's remember that fact. But you and I have. And we can remember those who didn't but not let that hold us back from seeing what a miracle it is just to be alive. To see clearly that we had the strength, tenacity, determination and the skills to get us through such difficulty to where we are today. It does not matter if our hearts are still breaking or if we are still in the middle of raging at those who caused us harm. We are here. We have prevailed.

So if you're reading this, you are a survivor. Remember that always - you are AMAZING.

The second part of the survival stage is more difficult however. It may bring up a huge amount of grief - I know it has for me. It is the recognition that, up until now, all we have been doing is surviving. The painful lessons and conditioning we learned as children and which our life experiences have reinforced are still very much alive and with us. We have not broken free of the coping mechanisms we acquired in order to survive - instead we are unconsciously still ruled by them.

That is not to say we have not had any time period in our lives when we were really thriving or following our hearts and dreams. It is just that, in the main, we feel unable to break free from the chains of our pasts in order to truly live in and create our present and future as we truly wish them to be.

I have so many dreams I wish to make reality. I take small tiny steps towards them most days. That is as much as I have been able to manage. Because it is so terrifying to me to really be myself in the every day world. There are places where and people with whom I am very much myself and totally honest about what I am feeling or thinking. But this is with friends and takes place where I feel safe. Where people, like me, are striving for greater consciousness and meet each other with all the love they can muster (and that is a lot) even when they are in the midst of their fear and anger.

In general however, I do not trust people to respond that way. I do not trust myself to respond that way. I and they get so caught up in the moment and the emotions that we do not take a step back to see clearly. We forget that there is a beautiful, vulnerable person in front of us and think only of protecting ourselves. It all happens so automatically because we are locked into patterns of not seeing. We are locked into patterns of survival.

And inside we are desperately YEARNING for it all to be different. And, in my experience, going back into victim mode and blaming someone else for the fact that they are the same. But the truth (as I see it!) is that we are the only ones who can change our lives. We are the only ones who can step beyond the Victim, step beyond the Survivor and into being fully ourselves and following our dreams. That is the third stage: the stage of THRIVING.

Thriving is where we recognise fully that we are responsible for creating and shaping our own lives and are able to live to our full potential. It is the place of happiness, fulfillment and contentment with what is.

Personally, I am largely in Survivor mode still. I also still dip into the Victim pool for a swim fairly regularly. I'm getting better at realising that my skin's gone like a prune in there though and it's time to come out! There has been a lot of grief for me attached to the Survivor stage. However, I also try to mix that in with celebration of how far I've come - and I've come a long way.

My moments of Thriving though are becoming more frequent. It feels like it something which is coming in manageable steps. There is time for everything and everything must be given its time. There isn't much point in me wishing things were different because they are not and I am learning huge amounts from them being just as they are. I still wish though! And actually, perhaps the point in wishing is that it keeps hope alive for me. Hope is important. It is the last little voice which came out of Pandora's Box and it is the one which keeps us going - sometimes when all else is lost. I read a book years ago at the end of which the question was asked "Which is the greater - Faith, Hope or Love?". The answer in the book was Love. I would agree but I think that Faith and Hope are also vital to us - they are what keep us going on the long path towards finding Love. Faith and Hope help us move through being a Victim and through being a Survivor. They help move us towards the greatest part of Thriving I think there is: Love of Self.

Love to you,

Lyra ♥