London Riots: Acceptance of the horror of reality and the change it brings in our hearts

I've been feeling deeply affected by the riots in London. Most of my friends live there, I lived there for years, I was there on Monday when the worst night of trouble began....

I found myself becoming obsessed with the news and with looking at updates about what was going on, unable to sleep properly, shaking, crying.... in the grip of post-trauma symptoms which I thought I was healing from. I have had lots of 'shouldn'ts' in my head about how I shouldn't feel that way because I was (luckily) not physically caught up in what happened - I managed to get home ok, I checked in with many friends and found they were all ok. I thought I didn't have the right to feel so upset and so triggered by what was going on when there were other people who had experienced much worse than me and when I was unharmed.

It has got me thinking again about loving what is and against-ness. If I can find my way to accepting how I feel - however I am feeling and however 'unjustified' I think that may be - then simply in that act of acceptance, healing begins to take place. I feel calmer, more optimistic and more empowered. If instead I am in denial of my feelings or think I shouldn't be having them - in other words I am fighting against them - then, on top of the feelings of upset, shock and fear, I am also dealing with fighting myself and fighting reality.

If young people live in poverty and gang cultures, feel they have no prospects and are shown an example of violence rather than love at home and/or in their lives generally, where can they possibly learn acceptance of what is - and why would they want to? Instead, they are far more likely to be drawn into fighting against reality and fighting the authorities they see as perpetuating their reality. And so we eventually get an outpouring of against-ness in the form of these riots. It is deeply destructive because it is fighting against.

When people are fighting for something, destruction (it seems to me) tends to be of a 'collateral damage' nature or strategic. These rioters are not fighting for anything however. They are fighting against their own reality of being 'have nots' by stealing things and, at least temporarily, riding high on the feelings of being people who have, and also of being people who have reversed the roles and changed the haves into have-nots.

I could not understand why they would destroy or steal from small local businesses in this case rather than just large corporations but of course, if you really have nothing then anyone who has something, however little, has more than you - they are in the 'have' group.

And of course our society is set up to teach us to care more about possessions than people - which is why we still buy clothes which are made by child labourers, paper and furniture and toys which destroy the rainforests and electronic gadgets which release pollution into the atmosphere. It's why the miners who bring out the sulphur used to whiten our sugar have no breathing apparatus and why big oil companies like BP care far more about drilling in unsafe locations than they do about the consequences of their actions on people and the environment. Everyone is more concerned with being a have rather than a have-not - is it any wonder these rioters want that too?

My stepfather fought against the reality of what he was doing. He drunk himself into stupors so he wouldn't have to think about it and, I think, convinced himself that what he was doing was somehow equated with loving children. If he had allowed reality into his heart it would have made his existence unbearable.

If we all accepted the reality of what is, we would all collectively be so horrified that drilling for oil, murder, rape, destroying our environment, the extreme gaps between poor and wealthy in this country - perhaps even paeodophilia - would stop because our consciences would not allow it all to continue. As long as we continue to lie to ourselves and fight against reality however, these things are perpetuated.

And I'm not talking about shame or shaming people into behaving differently. Shame is a deeply destructive emotion and people will do almost anything to avoid feeling it - including perpetuating their destructive behaviour. I mean deep acceptance of what is; which then allows the grief, the terror, the anger and the sadness to be acknowledged and to be felt. Joy, gratitude and the desire to live from a more loving space, in my experience, always follow.

It is necessary to accept the horror of reality into our hearts in order to heal from it. That is why, having accepted that I feel deeply upset and slightly traumatised by the riots, I feel better, clearer and more empowered. That is the call into action for real change.

If we can only allow reality to touch our hearts and welcome the horror home with open arms, we can heal and move on. We will desire something better and feel empowered to achieve it.

Love to you,

Lyra ♥